Karun was 15 years old when she became famous.
Back then, she was a part of the epic music group, Camp Mulla. From meeting every other day, playing with beats, and creating ciphers, they released the popular hit:
The classic slingshot them to instant fame. International fame.
How do you react to overnight fame? A teenager. A young adult already nominated for the BET Awards. I never thought Kenyans would make it to such a big stage. Yet, there she was, soaking it all in.
Everybody wanted a piece of her. Everyone wanted to be associated with Camp Mulla. Her voice was the soul of the group.
Then came the demands. Do this. Feature this artist. Consider this alternative. Schedules changed. They no longer had the freedom they previously took for granted when they were making music.
They had to perform. They had to level up. They had to show face.
When everyone wants a piece of you, the inundation of demands can make you forget who you are or why you do what it is that made you go public.
These were the questions Kendrick asked himself:
Done every magazine, what's fame to me?
Got guilt, got hurt, got shame on me
Shame wells up when you don’t meet the set expectations.
Your father wanted you to be a warrior like him. Instead, you like plants. Disappointment.
Your mother wanted you to become a pilot. You prefer nursing wounds. Failure.
Our parents tend not to praise some professions. If it’s not a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, or even a teacher, your parents or guardians may not approve.
We may have the freedom to choose but are you free?
Some opt to please while chasing their interest. A doctor who produces music on the weekend. Another works as a DJ. Yet another prefers acting to getting blood-stained labcoats when resuscitating patients.
An engineer goes to work during the day and codes at night. A scientist paints on the weekends. A dentist does makeup in her block for her friends and their referrals.
An accountant slash auditor bakes. An architect student raps. A pharmacist makes the trip from Kenyatta National Hospital to the basketball court to play the game she loves.
The dark road.
Nothing is well-lit.
The only glimmer to guide you is the beam on your face when you do what turns you incandescent with joy. More often than not, it doesn’t pay. Soon, you’ll need to pay your bills. With these demands, your ambition loses heat.
You turn cold. Cold towards others. Cold towards self. So cold that you’re numb to what initially got your ears pounding in excitement.
The dark road suddenly loses the only light it has.
You said I’d feel better if I just work hard without liftin' my head up
That left me fed up
You made me worry, I wanted my best version but you ignored me
Then changed the story
Then changed the story
In this bleak state, you never know which way to go on this dark road.
Careers are not as well-defined as they were decades ago. Humans only amplified their lifespans less than a century ago. Careers have been left to evolve by themselves.
Before then, humans would live up to around 40 years, if you were lucky. Jobs were on an apprenticeship model. Predefined. You could show up, state your name, affiliation, and move the lever from morning until evening. That is if you weren’t colonised.
Today, we love upwards of 80 years. Education is a need. You have to take your kids to school. That’s roughly 20 years from the time they are born. But education is becoming expensive. So you continue working, burying your ambitions in the daily mono drone of work, objectives, and targets.
Worse still, before you secure that job, the question interviewers will hit you with paralyzes your cords.
It’s either you lie or practice upfront perfecting the little vestige you have of the drive left in you to answer that question.
You strive to become employable.
When everyone works towards being employable, you’re no longer valuable. You’re replaceable.
Trapped.
We may not know which way to go.
Then the news hits you. You see someone who you knew wasn’t at your level make it in the field you always thought you’d major in.
It feels like it’s too late. You adjust your seat and the backache almost confirms:
It might be too late.
Age has caught up with you.
Regrets.
Miss Regrets, I believe that you done me wrong (Miss Regrets)
Miss Regrets, can you please exit out my home? (Miss Regrets)
Miss Regret, I think I’m better off alone (Miss Regrets)
(Miss Regret)
Miss Regret, I got these deep regrets (and I’m trippin' and fallin’)
The road was dark. You didn’t know when you were tripping on something big or trivial. You didn’t have the light to guide you.
Sadly, it’s not just the common folk who have such questions. Even the rich and famous. Listen to J. Cole, Kendrick, Notorious B.I.G, and the story of Karun.
What happens when you start living your dream? You, too, may not know which way to go.
Celebrities who venture into new fields may be trying to spark that light. Some of it may get dulled by fame or societal expectations.
From 20 yrs.
That’s a long time till we get to 80. Yet,
We may not know which way to go
On this dark road
What I’m trying to say is…
I’m not sure forgiveness is the solution.
Trusting oneself may help but once you’re cold, numbness makes it difficult to know yourself. What stimulates? What doesn’t? What triggers?
Forgiveness, for the simpleton and the famous. Forgiveness may be escapist.
It rescues us from the heaviness of unfulfillment. Or the emptiness of fulfilled dreams.
Indeed, we may not know which way to go
This time around, I trust myself
Please everybody else but myself
All else fails, I was myself
Outdone fear, outdone myselfIf I didn't learn to love myself, forgive myself a hundred times, dawg
This little light of mine…
You know how that line goes.
It must be better than forgiveness.
This song inspired some of the lines used in this article. Source — YouTube